The Night(s) I Was Murdered...and other crazy dreams

I'm typically a terrible storyteller.  I climax too early and then ramble on after the excitement is over, and people always seem confused when I stop talking.  I used to want to be a writer, and then I realized how awful I am at it and made a career switch at the ripe old age of seven.  Anyway, my dreams are another thing entirely.  I have interesting dreams, and I'm going to share a few of them with you here.

Dream 1:  Impossible Jungle Gym

One recurring dream I've had is that of a never-ending jungle gym.  I climb and climb and climb and think that I've finally reached the top, only to realize that another 20 feet of steel stands between me and my goal.  That's really all there is to it.  I just can't reach the top, no matter how hard I try.

Dream 2:   Track Interference

This dream had a similar theme.  I was running the 10K in track during college (I did run the 10K in college, so that part was normal), which is 25 laps around the track.  On every lap, a string of Christmas lights was in my way and I had to maneuver over or under it.  This sparkling hindrance was mine alone; no other runner had to compete with this obstacle.  I don't recall how the dream ended, but it was basically how I felt about running at that time. 

Dream 3:  The Snake Girl

This one is pretty interesting.  The dream begins with my dad and me hanging out at his house.  A random girl whom I've never met comes to our door and asks me to come over to her house.  I know she is evil, but I go anyway.  She offers me a doughnut.  I know the doughnut is poisonous, but I eat it anyway.  Thirty minutes later I collapse to the floor (the poison having taken effect).  Random Girl turns into a snake and strangles me to make certain I am dead (she must have been a boa).  That was the end of that dream.  They say if you die in your dreams, you die in real life, but that hasn't been the case for me.  On another note, allow me to apologize for my artwork, which is more juvenile than a 3-year-old's.

Dream 4:  Cat Food/Dog Food Homicide

This one is pretty bizarre.  I'm in the middle of nowhere (think Arizona desert), and a random guy pulls up in his car.  I take one bag of cat food and one bag of dog food out of my car and set it on the ground.  The man steps out of his car.  "No, no," I scream, and he shoots the bag of dog food.  "No, no,"  I shout, and he shoots the bag of cat food.  He then proceeds to shoot me.  After I fall to the ground, he gets in his car to run me over (one must always be sure that the one you intended to kill is, in fact, dead).  That's it.  Why must people not only kill me in my dreams, but also find a secondary means of death just in case?  I don't think I even really have many enemies.  I'm not sure why all these people want to kill me so badly.

Dream 5:  Ear Insults

I had a dream the other night that somebody told me my ears were dirty.  That's really all that happened in that dream, but I've been paranoid ever since.  I don't know what else to do.  I shower at least once daily, I wash my ears, I use q-tips on a regular basis.  I don't know what more you people want from me. 

That's all I have for now.  Whatever you do, please don't tell me my ears are dirty, don't shoot me or run me over with your Buick, and don't offer me any doughnuts.