Love Is Just a Word Until You Find Someone To Give It a Definition

I'm in love.  There, I said it.  

I know you're now expecting rainbows and butterflies, but that just isn't the reality.  That's the fairytale.  The white knight.  The damsel in distress.  The happily ever after.  What really happens are struggles, tears, heartbreak, and pain in the midst of intensely happy moments.  Why isn't it picture-perfect, you might ask.  

For starters, I've always been attracted to emotionally unavailable men.  I don't mean to be; I'd do almost anything to change that and have a happy relationship.  The problem is that I don't realize these men are closed off until I've already fallen for them.  This scenario is a recipe for disaster.  I've had my heart ripped out and pulverized more times than I can count.  But this time is different.  All those times before, I loved him.  This time, I'm in love with him ("him" refers to different people).  Yes, there is a difference between loving and being in love.  Love is when you care deeply about somebody and their happiness.  Being in love is so much worse.  It's seeing every single imperfection in all its glorious beauty.  And my God, is he beautiful.  I'm not talking about his perfectly sculpted body, his handsome face, or how he looks in slacks and a button-up shirt (though those are nice perks).  I mean the way he looks into my eyes after he's told me his innermost thoughts.  The way he rubs my nose with his as he kisses me.  The way he hugs his nieces, so tightly (and the way he hugs me, too).  How we can talk about anything without judgment.  

So what do you do when the love of your life can't reciprocate?  I don't know.  I simply do not have any idea.  For now, I wait.  I wait for the day when I don't feel like my whole world is beginning and ending simultaneously.  I hold out hope, even if I shouldn't.  I continue to be the optimist and hopeless romantic I've always been.

Cheers To the New Year & My Homeless Friend

Happy 2012!  Normally I don't get too worked up over New Year's, but the arrival of 2012 signifies something huge - this year I'll graduate from vet school.  Crazy.  It's a little terrifying that I'll be expected to know things soon.  That said, I welcome the change.  I didn't really make New Year's resolutions this year, but I do expect to change some things in the upcoming months.  I'm training for my first half marathon.  The farthest I've ever run is 12 miles, and that was an accident.  My cross country coach forgot to pick me up at the 11-mile mark, so I had to run an extra mile to the team van.  At any rate, I feel like I can do 13.1 if I train for it adequately.  I will also do a couple of other minor races, including a relay from one brewery to another (although it sounds like a pub crawl in disguise, it is actually a legitimate race).  I'm anxious to get back into running shape.  I finally have zero excuses for not taking care of myself.  Boards are *hopefully* over, I'm on the downhill slope of my rotations, and really all I have to do is find a job and perhaps a dog. 

On a different note entirely, I also plan on giving food and perhaps some free vet care to a homeless man I keep seeing around town.  He always has a cocker spaniel with him.  Normally I'm a bit heartless when it comes to homeless people.  I realize that makes me seem like a horrible person, but I just don't like not knowing where my money is going.  If I give a person money and that individual uses it to buy drugs or cigarettes, am I really helping him/her?  Anyway, this guy is different.  Rarely does he hold signs asking for help.  Actually, I'm fairly certain I've only seen that happen once, and I see this guy all the time.  That brings me to my other point.  This guy really is homeless.  I know there are people out there who pretend so they can make a few bucks.  Cocker Spaniel Man actually needs help.  Next time I see him, I'll give him some human and dog food and make sure his dog is doing okay.