Stuck in a Rut

I'm not sure what my problem is.  I've been somewhat depressed lately, and I'm not sure why.  I'm bored with my life.  It just seems so repetitive (go to school, study, work out, sleep, repeat).  After reading another person's blog (you know who you are), I started thinking about all the things I wish I had time to do.  I miss photography, playing trombone, scrapbooking, running for more than 20 minutes at a time, relaxing without feeling guilty about it, spending time with my family.  I wish I knew people outside of vet school so I could escape it every once in awhile.  There are things in my life that I should be excited about.  I'm singing in the vet school talent show in a couple days, which is something I've never really done before.  I'm starting personal training sessions this week.  But even though I've been looking forward to these things, I've found myself not wanting to do anything (other than sleep) lately.  I don't even want to go out with friends because it sounds too exhausting.  I'm just not finding much joy in my days and don't know how to fix that. 

I think the part that bothers me most is that I'm not generally like this.  I'm supposed to be upbeat and happy.  I hate being around people who complain constantly, and I feel like I'm becoming that person.

I'm going to share some Miranda Lambert with you now, because she is awesome.

Carrying the weight on the end of a limb
You're just waitin' for somebody
To pick you up again
Shaded by a tree, can't live up to a rose
All you ever wanted
Was a sunny place to grow

Pretty little thing
Sometimes you gotta look up
And let the world see
All the beauty that you're made of
'Cause the way you hang your head
Nobody can tell
You're my virginia bluebell
My viginia bluebell

Even through a stone
A flower can bloom
You just need a little push
Spring is coming soon
Umbrella in the rain
Let it roll off your back
Weather what you can, realize what you have

Pretty little thing
Sometimes you gotta look up
And let the world see
All the beauty that you're made of
'Cause the way you hang your head
Nobody can tell
You're my virginia bluebell
My viginia bluebell

Put a little light in the darkest places
Put a little smile on the saddest faces

Pretty little thing
Sometimes you gotta look up
And let the world see
All the beauty that you're made of
'Cause the way you hang your head
Nobody can tell
You're my virginia bluebell
My viginia bluebell

(Miranda Lambert, Virginia Bluebell)

Ink

I have three tattoos.  I really never thought I'd have any, but things change.  I thought about what I wanted for literally 4-5 years before I actually got them (with the exception of my wrist tattoo that I only thought about for a few months).  All of my tattoos were done by Cory at Punkteur in Joplin, MO.

I got my first tattoo the summer after my 1st year of vet school.  It's my cat's (Kiya's) pawprint, and it signifies my love for and dedication to veterinary medicine as well as my love for my pets.  It's on my right hip.  I took Kiya's paw and placed it on an ink pad (I'm not sure whether transdermal absorption occurs, but she seemed not to be harmed by it).  Then I stamped in on a piece of paper and several months later the tattoo artist traced it.

I received my second and third tattoos at the same time.  I was originally going to place both on my wrist, but Cory (the tattoo artist) suggested that I find another location for the swallow because my wrist wouldn't have enough room for the detail I wanted.  I'm very glad I listened to him.  I think it would have been way too much on my wrist, and I absolutely love the way my bird came out.  It's my favorite tattoo.  It is on my left hip.

This picture was taken not long after I got the tattoo.  It looks much less harsh now, and the shading is more natural.  I'll replace this picture once I find the memory card for my camera.  This one carries a lot of meaning for me.  There are several qualities about swallows that I like.  They are very strong fliers, they return home once every year, they are monogamous, and they're pretty.  I've always liked birds - not so much the actual animals as what they represent.  Freedom.  I've struggled with low self-esteem throughout most of my life, and I tend to let the way I view myself be affected by other people.  For me, this tattoo signifies freedom from others, and especially freedom from men.  It's not necessary to seek approval from the world in order to like ourselves, but I think women often have a hard time with this.  In addition, I'm very close to my family, so the swallow seemed appropriate since they return home every year. 

My wrist tattoo is the Latin phrase, "Alis volat propriis."  It means, "She flies with her own wings."  It's actually the state motto of Oregon, but that has nothing to do with why I got it.  I've never even been to Oregon.  It's a reminder to be independent and to do what makes me happy.  It also goes along with the swallow in the sense that I need to care less about what others think and focus on what I think instead.  I also like it because I used to be a runner, and "flying" seems to go nicely with that.

 

So there you have it.  I have no plans for any more tattoos, but they say three is the magic number.  Once you have three, it's all downhill and you'll keep getting more.  I don't think that will be the case for me, however.

Meh

I'm having trouble being motivated to study, so I thought I'd take some time to ramble about my life.  Last semester getting myself to study wasn't a problem.  I loved most of my classes and found them really interesting.  Perhaps it's the fact that I've spent 20 years in school (that's right, folks.  Twenty.) and I'm ready to be finished.  Maybe it's because most of the things we're learning are about cows and I know the likelihood of me working on cattle later in life is about the same as the likelihood of me becoming an exotic dancer.  Now that I think about it, the chances of becoming an exotic dancer may actually be higher.  Hmm.

On another note, small ruminant surgery was pretty cool today.  I did a tracheostomy, a small intestinal resection and anastomosis, a C-section, an abdominal exploratory, a toe amputation, and learned how to do a Ford Interlocking suture pattern.  I really love surgery.  Bring on the blood and guts!

So far my exercise program is going well.  I've been working out every day and I've lost a few pounds.  Yay!  I'm meeting with my trainer for the first time tomorrow to do initial testing.  I'm looking forward to the workouts, but I think the testing beforehand will be fairly awful.  The worst part is when they pinch the fattest areas of your body (which is never fun, no matter what size you are).  I suppose I'll survive it.  But I don't have to like it. 

I know you people have much more important things to do than read my blog, but if you do read it, thanks!  I get super excited when I get comments, so if you ever think of something, comment away!  I guess I should attempt to study (yet again), but when I get bored next time, perhaps I'll tell you about my tattoos.

Things To Do Before I Die (and Other Goals)

I made my list of things to do before I die long before "The Bucket List" came out, and I'm constantly adding to it.  I have several short-term goals as well, so I thought I could share my random goals with you here.

Workout Goals:

I'm super excited to start my new workout program!  I used to be in awesome shape and had a great BCS (body condition score), as we call it in vet med.  I stopped running competitively in 2006, and since then my health has declined.  I'm ready to bring healthy back (in the words of Justin Timberlake).  I've decided to get a personal trainer with a friend to do "Buddy Training."  I'm really looking forward to gaining some new ideas for workouts and making more frequent trips to the gym.  I also plan on attending CrossFit classes for a month (while they are free) and paying closer attention to what I eat.  I have high hopes that these things will jump start my workout program and help me be more consistent.  I really can't wait!

Things To Do Before I Die:

I've already crossed off several items, such as riding in a hot air balloon, being in two states at once, learning to develop my own film, learning to drive a stick-shift, learning to tie a tie, climbing a mountain, and learning to salsa/tango/swing dance.  I will list the remaining items below.

skydive

run a marathon

tour Europe

own a horse

swim with dolphins

visit all 50 states (I've been to 31)

learn to play guitar

I'm sure I'll find plenty more to add.  Wish me luck!

Happy Things

I'm usually a pretty upbeat, optimistic person.  Sometimes vet school sucks the life out of me and I tend to take on a more fatalistic approach to life, but I try not to let it get that far.  Anyway, I'm going to tell you about all the things that make me happy (well, not ALL of them, because then we'd be here all day, and you have things you should be doing). 

Home

Going home makes me really happy.  It's nearly euphoric, especially if I actually have time to relax while I'm there.  I love it so much that I really hate leaving and become grumpy when I'm forced to hit the road.  There is something very peaceful about our little 5-acre farm, and there is always something to do (which I like).  The furry friends are nice, too.  My family is quirky, and we all have tons of fun together.  In the picture:  my family with some of our alpacas and dogs.

Coffee Shops

If you know me very well, you know that I spend much of my time at Radina's (my favorite coffee shop in Manhattan).  There are several reasons for this.  My main reason for practically living there is that I accomplish much more than I do at home.  I'm not sure why this is.  My brain just knows to kick it into high gear when we (myself and my brain - often we are not in the same place at the same time) go there.  Studiousness aside, Radina's has other perquisites.  It doesn't hurt that I've made friends with most of the baristas (who happen to make the most amazing vanilla hazelnut cappuccinos w/whipped cream).  I'm not certain what it is about coffee shops, but they significantly improve my mood.  It's also a good place to partake in people-watching.  In the picture:  my other home.  I'm surprised they haven't started charging me rent.

Running

You might think I'm crazy, but running really does make me happy.  I used to be pretty good at it (LHS XC State Champs 2002, what?), but even now that I'm slow and fairly out-of-shape, I enjoy it.  It's such great stress relief.  If you've had a bad day, go for a really hard run.  You'll be so tired afterward that you won't have the energy to be upset.  I used to go to a park with running trails (Wilderness Park near Pittsburg, KS - check it out.  It's amazing and beautiful) after bad tests to run off my frustration.  You can run when you are happy, too!  It's a great way to celebrate lovely weather.  Run with a friend, run with your dog, run with your cat, whatever.  I don't even have to run in order for running to make me happy.  Seeing other people run elicits an overall feeling of goodness (and it's even better if it's an attractive guy with a yellow lab).  In all honesty, I think running can be beautiful.  There's something about seeing what the human body is capable of that astounds me (and this goes for other sports as well).  In the picture:  me running for Pittsburg State University.

Desserts

Leave it to me to follow up "Running" with "Desserts."  What can I say?  They are delicious.  Back in the day when I actually had free time, I used to bake constantly.  I have a business plan involving desserts, but for the safety of my financial future, I shall not share it here.  I am pictured below with a very yummy white chocolate raspberry cheesecake.

Scarves

They make any outfit more fun.  You can wear them various ways.  They help keep you warm.  You can never really have too many.  I apparently have 11.  Can you spot my cat in the picture (hint:  she's attacking one of the scarves)?

Singing

Music has always been a part of my life.  I used to play trombone in band and was a drum major one year (the person who directs the songs during marching band).  Although I've never had singing lessons (I tried to take lessons as a kid, but the lady said I was too young so I took piano instead) or been in choir, I really enjoy it.  I sing in the shower, in my car, at karaoke night, when I'm doing the dishes, etc.  In the picture:  singing at the latest Karaoke Night.

 

Hope you enjoyed reading about some of my favorite things!

Near-Death Experiences Continued

Experience 3:  Wilderness Whammy

My next run-in with death occurred when I was about 16 years old.  My grandparents own some land in Spanish Peaks, CO, and we often go there to enjoy the mountain views and/or do some hiking.  My dad, brother, sister, and I decided (stupidly) that we could climb the main mountain in one day.  Now, this isn't like hiking in a national park.  There are no trails, no guides, and definitely no other people you may bump into along the way.  It's pretty desolate.  I'm going to mention all the things we did wrong so that maybe you won't make the same mistakes and will be better prepared for adventures such as this.  We packed a bottle of water per person.  This was our second mistake.  Grand Canyon National Park recommends that people drink 1/2 liter to 1 liter of water per hour of hiking.  We were going to be hiking all day, and we didn't even have a liter of water per person.  We only packed a few granola bars and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch - definitely not enough food for four hungry hikers.  Anyway, off we went.  By the time we reached the summit, it was dusk.  By nightfall, we hadn't made much progress back down the mountain.  We had no compass and only one flashlight between the four of us (mistake #342).  It was very cold during the night and the only clothing we had was the clothing on our backs, which happened to be damp from sweating throughout the day.  We stopped at a clearing to attempt to sleep.  We had run out of water and food only a few hours into the hike.  My siblings and father spent the night dry heaving from dehydration.  I wasn't affected by it because I was running cross country at the time and was accustomed to dehydration.  I don't think any of us actually slept.  After a couple hours, we decided to start hiking again.  We followed logging roads but didn't really have any idea where we were or which way we needed to go.  We walked and walked and walked and came upon a series of ridges.  We hiked over several of them and came upon a glistening stream.  We knew that drinking from it would be risky.  We could get Giardia or a whole host of other organisms and infections, but our only other choice was to become more dehydrated, which could lead to death.  We took our chances and filled our water bottles with the stream water.  After a bit more hiking, we spotted a dirt road.  Go left or go right?  We arbitrarily chose left.  After more walking we heard the most glorious noise ever.  A remote-controlled airplane was flying in the distance!  We found the entrance to a huge farm and walked over to the man flying the plane.  After explaining our situation to him, he invited us into his home and had his wife fix us the biggest breakfast I've ever seen.  She made eggs, toast, pancakes, coffee, juice, everything you can think of.  This couple was so incredibly nice!  As it turned out, this man owned the logging company whose roads we'd followed for some of our hike.  He had one of his coworkers drive us back to our property (which was quite some distance away) and invited us to a party the following weekend.  If we had chosen to go right on that dirt road, we wouldn't have seen anybody or anything for another 13 miles.  Lots of luck and three very generous people are the only reasons we emerged unscathed. 

There was also the time my family did a 30-mile hike in the Grand Canyon when my sister got stung by a scorpion and my brother became hyponatremic and nearly died, but we'll save those family adventures for another day. 

Basically, if you go on a trip with us, be prepared for disaster, and if you're near me for any significant period of time, you should probably know how to deal with my choking episodes.

My Near-Death Experiences

Sometimes things happen in life causing one to look back and think, "Wow, I can't believe I'm alive!"  These were not those times.  Mostly, I thought things such as, "Wow, I'm sure glad my family knows the Heimlich maneuver!" and "Thank God for remote-controlled airplanes!"  Please allow me to explain.

Experience 1:  Jingle Bell Attack

I was one or two years old and playing on the floor of my mom's bathroom.  It was around Christmas, and I had managed to find a jingle bell.  I must have thought it looked delicious because I put it in my mouth.  Mom was getting ready but happened to look down to see her infant turning blue.  Lucky for me, my mom is a smart lady.  She knew exactly what to do and immediately began performing the Heimlich for babies, which consists of back blows and baby chest thrusts (you just use a couple fingers and push down on the chest in case you ever need to know).  After a couple minutes of doing this and not having success, she considered performing a tracheostomy.  This procedure consists of taking a dull dirty kitchen knife, cutting an 'x' on the neck, and inserting a McDonald's straw.  Don't worry; Mom is a nurse practitioner and has been trained for such an occasion.  She knew that EMS would not get there in time since you start to lose brain cells after about 4 minutes of choking.  She decided to try the Heimlich one more time.  Success!  Out popped the clamorous trinket, and I lived to see another day. 

Experience 2:  Meltdown

After the jingle bell fiasco, I did pretty okay at life -- that is, until I turned 11.  It was summer, and my siblings, mom, and I were relaxing in the kitchen.  I was sucking on pieces of ice and inadvertently managed to lodge one in my trachea.  The interesting part is that I didn't realize I was choking.  It wasn't until my sister looked up, threw up her magazine and yelled, "Brittany's choking!" that it really hit me.  I can't help but wonder whether my brain wasn't too deprived of oxygen for the emergency to register.  At any rate, my sister began the Heimlich and then my mom took over.  They tried to dislodge the cold culprit for a couple minutes, but to no avail.  I tried to regurgitate it up, but that didn't work either.  It ended up melting enough to go down (I'm not entirely sure whether its final destination was my lungs or stomach, but either way I lived).  You might be wondering how my sister knew I was choking if I didn't even know.  Apparently I was making some sort of hacking sound, much like a cat trying to cough up a furball (actually, that's exactly what my family thought was going on since we have several cats).  I was also unable to speak (and breathe, obviously).

I would highly encourage you to learn to recognize the signs of choking and how to perform the Heimlich maneuver.  Simply find the choking victim's belly button, measure 2 fingers' width above the belly button and place your fist there (make a fist with your dominant hand and place your thumb against the victim).  Cover your fist with your other hand, and thrust inward and upward.  It takes quite a bit of force - you should be lifting the victim off the ground with each abdominal thrust.  NEVER EVER perform the Heimlich on somebody who is coughing.  If they are coughing, they are moving some air.  Reserve this technique only for those who absolutely cannot breathe.

To be continued...

My Friend Brian

Brian, my model-thin friend with a non-receding hair line, is fantastic.  He even moved his orange over so I wouldn't have to smell it.  Here is a picture of him:

Brian greets me with a big hug every day.  Just seeing his smiling face makes my day better.  He is upbeat and fun to be around.  Brian is very charismatic.  Once, he bought me ice cream.  Brian and I have a lot in common.  We both like Buffalo Wild Wings, running, and Brady.  I have a lot of respect for him because he always stands up for what he believes in.  For example, he believed I was nearing Crazy Cat Lady status at an alarming rate, and consequently would not allow me to be my cat for Halloween since he does not agree with that lifestyle.  Brian is one of my best friends, and if you don't know him, you should.  The end. :-)

Here Comes the Bride

Let's get one thing straight.  IF I get married, it's going to be nothing short of a miracle.  I'm currently trying to acquire as many cats as possible (but I am getting a veterinary degree, so at least I'll be able to take care of them, right?), I'm very single, and I'm definitely not getting married before I'm 510% sure it's the right thing to do.  Basically, it's not happening any time soon.  That said, I happen to be a planner.  I plan everything.  I even schedule things like laundry, grocery shopping, etc. (which is perfectly normal for a vet student since we don't have much time for such frivolous things, but I did this long before vet school).  It's no big surprise that I know every little detail of how I'd want my wedding.  For the most part, I want a small but very very nice wedding. 

The Ceremony:

It will be a small outdoor wedding in the spring (who cares if it rains.  I like rain) in a very pretty area.  I will be barefoot and I refuse to wear fake nails (they hurt, and I want to be comfortable!).  I'm not sure about the dress - there are a lot of pretty ones out there (have you seen Say Yes To the Dress?).  I will have a string quartet, and they'll play the music from Legends of the Fall (yes, I know everybody dies, but the music is gorgeous!) or something equally pretty.  My colors will be aqua and white, and if I got married tomorrow I'd have a pretty good idea of who my bridesmaids would be.  Yes, they can be barefoot, too, if they wish. 

The Reception:

It will also be outside with lights strung everywhere (classy, not tacky, of course).  Cake is very important to me.  I will only settle for the most delectable wedding cake, along with cheesecake, a chocolate fountain, and a wonderful groom's cake.  There will be LOTS of dancing!  I plan on having something to change into, like a dress that's more comfortable and easier to move in. 

I'm sure I've left things out, but you get the gist.