My Near-Death Experiences

Sometimes things happen in life causing one to look back and think, "Wow, I can't believe I'm alive!"  These were not those times.  Mostly, I thought things such as, "Wow, I'm sure glad my family knows the Heimlich maneuver!" and "Thank God for remote-controlled airplanes!"  Please allow me to explain.

Experience 1:  Jingle Bell Attack

I was one or two years old and playing on the floor of my mom's bathroom.  It was around Christmas, and I had managed to find a jingle bell.  I must have thought it looked delicious because I put it in my mouth.  Mom was getting ready but happened to look down to see her infant turning blue.  Lucky for me, my mom is a smart lady.  She knew exactly what to do and immediately began performing the Heimlich for babies, which consists of back blows and baby chest thrusts (you just use a couple fingers and push down on the chest in case you ever need to know).  After a couple minutes of doing this and not having success, she considered performing a tracheostomy.  This procedure consists of taking a dull dirty kitchen knife, cutting an 'x' on the neck, and inserting a McDonald's straw.  Don't worry; Mom is a nurse practitioner and has been trained for such an occasion.  She knew that EMS would not get there in time since you start to lose brain cells after about 4 minutes of choking.  She decided to try the Heimlich one more time.  Success!  Out popped the clamorous trinket, and I lived to see another day. 

Experience 2:  Meltdown

After the jingle bell fiasco, I did pretty okay at life -- that is, until I turned 11.  It was summer, and my siblings, mom, and I were relaxing in the kitchen.  I was sucking on pieces of ice and inadvertently managed to lodge one in my trachea.  The interesting part is that I didn't realize I was choking.  It wasn't until my sister looked up, threw up her magazine and yelled, "Brittany's choking!" that it really hit me.  I can't help but wonder whether my brain wasn't too deprived of oxygen for the emergency to register.  At any rate, my sister began the Heimlich and then my mom took over.  They tried to dislodge the cold culprit for a couple minutes, but to no avail.  I tried to regurgitate it up, but that didn't work either.  It ended up melting enough to go down (I'm not entirely sure whether its final destination was my lungs or stomach, but either way I lived).  You might be wondering how my sister knew I was choking if I didn't even know.  Apparently I was making some sort of hacking sound, much like a cat trying to cough up a furball (actually, that's exactly what my family thought was going on since we have several cats).  I was also unable to speak (and breathe, obviously).

I would highly encourage you to learn to recognize the signs of choking and how to perform the Heimlich maneuver.  Simply find the choking victim's belly button, measure 2 fingers' width above the belly button and place your fist there (make a fist with your dominant hand and place your thumb against the victim).  Cover your fist with your other hand, and thrust inward and upward.  It takes quite a bit of force - you should be lifting the victim off the ground with each abdominal thrust.  NEVER EVER perform the Heimlich on somebody who is coughing.  If they are coughing, they are moving some air.  Reserve this technique only for those who absolutely cannot breathe.

To be continued...